I don't know what else to do. I am so confused. I have done all that I could to make my life better, to get my son back. but to no avail. I have tried to get the Evaluation, counseling and parenting classes that are required of me by the court system to do in order to get my son back, but each time I went to a mental health office, I was turned down. Each time I went to a parenting place for the parenting classes, I was turned down. They kept telling the same thing over and over again "Sorry, but we cant help you" "Our department doesn't allow that".... I go to a mental health office and they tell me "Sorry but the Department of Mental Health Services does not give Evaluations or Counseling to those who does not require long-term treatment or medication. Its against our policy" I tell them "But its court ordered, I need to prove im normal, that im sane and capable of caring for my son.... please cant you make an exception just this once?" all they say is "I'm really sorry, good luck"...... I go to place that does parenting classes and they tell me "Sorry, but we cant help you. Our classes are full. come back next year"........ Everywhere I go I get turned down..... What am I to do now?..... My son is 10 months old now and I have not been able to complete the court orders..... Once my son is 1 year, and I still have not completed the court orders, they will see it that I am unfit as a mother because "I haven't tried" even though I have been trying my hardest...... It will be too late..... I will lose my son forever.... and that is far too painful for me to even think about.... much less, to imagine......... I don't want to lose him...... He is my life, My whole world...... I cant lose him..... It will destroy me...... But I know I will lose him forever and that is what hurts...... I am heartbroken because I know this as fact though I try to deny it because I love him so much and I want to truly believe that I will get him back...... that they will see the errors of their ways, that they will realize that lying about a parent just so they can make a profit off the child is wrong..... that what they have done is wrong....... and in realizing this, they will give me back my son and apologize for all of the torment they have put my son and myself through............. I know that this will never happen of course...... but........ its a nice thought.... regardless of how unrealistic it is......
I am in so much pain, so much agony within my heart and soul that I can not take it anymore...... I really don't know what else to do...... Should I just give them what they want?........ Should I just give up?............. If I don't, all its going to do is keep hurting my son and myself in the long run..... So, maybe I should just give up..... For my son's sakes regardless of the fact that it will destroy me in process.......... for without my son, I am nothing...... I am dead without him..... just another empty shell of what was once a human being....... but I will embrace that existence for my son..... if it will ensure his happiness..... then so be it
